Midlife & the Selkie Myth: Reclaiming Your True Self
What a lost sealskin reveals about longing and the courage to start anew.
Selkie Soul
I long for the sea
For she is calling me
To lose myself
In the wild depths
Of my being
In healing waters
Splashing with joy
As my soul skin reforms
Under the sparkling moonlight
Becoming me
Once again
Swimming free.
~ Stella Tomlinson, from my book Her Soul Is Ablaze: A companion for your midlife awakening
Magically beautiful, wild and free; swimming in the open water with her seal sisters. Some say that at the Full Moon you can see her and her kin shedding their skins to take human form. They say her skin shines luminescent under the silver moonlight. A captivating sight…
The old story goes, that one night a man catches sight of a Selkie in her human form. Dazzled by her beauty, and coveting her for himself, he steals her skin, and coerces her into marrying him. He hides her skin so she can’t change back into her true seal-like form because he knows she will immediately leave him and return to the sea should she rediscover it.
And so she has no choice but to submit to this landlocked life. But it is a sad existence. For she is living in captivity and yearns to return to her true form. She gazes longingly at the sea, for years and years, pining to return home; yearning to be her true self; longing to swim once again in the salty seawater with her sisters; longing to be free.
Some say she gradually withers due to her absence from the sea … her life force and beauty fade away. Her soul becomes desiccated…
So how does her story end? Well, there are numerous versions of this tale. In some versions, the Selkie-woman visits her seal family once a year. In others she never sees them again.
And in other tellings, the child she bears her husband discovers the whereabouts of her mother’s skin and gives it back to her. And then Selkie-woman joyously returns to her seal sisters, coming back at the Full Moon to visit her child.
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There’s something about the story of the Selkie that speaks to my soul, as a midlife woman living in the 21st century.
The sense of having misplaced my true self - or even of having it taken away from me. A sense of feeling pressured to conform to ways of being and doing that do not serve my soul. And a searching for something I can’t quite remember but feel sure is waiting to be found…
At its heart, the Selkie’s story is a metaphor of longing. Of yearning to be your true self, yearning for liberation from what binds you and restricts you. Longing for liberation from the responsibilities which have been placed on you - the physical and mental load of working, maybe raising a family too, likely running the household, juggling all of the plates of family and modern life … while feeling guilty that you’re not doing it all properly.
Does this resonate?
In what ways have you been coerced to shed your true form? Your wild nature? Your profound connection to your body?
Do you remember the woman you were before your soul skin was hidden away from you? That sense of you which was in its element? Which deeply belonged.
Like so many midlife spirits, perhaps you feel exhausted, maybe stuck and sick of going around in circles in your mind, wondering what life is really all about.
Perhaps you sometimes feel an uncomfortable disillusionment and disenchantment with life.
You know you need to pause and step off life’s treadmill.
Maybe you’re yearning to pause and recalibrate … To rediscover the you behind the masks and roles and emotional wounds you’ve accumulated. To heal your bruised and battered psyche. To find meaning amidst the chaos and noise of modern life.
There’s a niggling feeling there’s something you’re neglecting … Something you used to know so well… Something you’ve almost forgotten…
You can just about remember that free, peaceful spirit you once were … swimming freely ... but you wonder where she’s gone.
This is your soul - your Selkie-self - calling you to remember.
...To remember who you were before the busyness of life got in the way and called you away from your heart’s deepest longings...
...To remember your unique gifts and the song your soul came here to sing…
...To reignite your fiery spirit, clear vision and creative spark.
Ah, Selkie woman, listen to these callings. You’ve lost your skin. But you can find it again.
Wake up and see what’s happened. Acknowledge your disillusionment.
And follow the clues in your longings. For they will lead you back to your seal-skin - your soul-skin.
Come back to what lifts your heart.
Call on Selkie in her true form to help you connect to the depths of your soul.
Reclaim the parts of you that have been lost and hidden away.
Rediscover and step back into your true form. Feel your skin. Be in your element.
Swim out into the depths and feel the trust and support of the waters of life supporting you as you find your flow. And learn to swim freely again with your soul sisters, at last.
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(If you’d like to explore the Selkie more, I highly recommend the versions and analysis shared by Sharon Blackie in If Women Rose Rooted and by Clarissa Pinola Estes in Women Who Run With The Wolves.)
A word potion
As is my way, may I share a poetic word potion with you which sums these feelings up?
Then I’ll share an invitation to help you along the way.
Take a breath, exhale … and let this word medicine work its magic within your soul…
Soul Skin
I’ve long been trying on different skins
In the hope and longing
That I will find one that fits;
That I will discover the skin
That finally feels like it is mine.
And now I realise
That I have been trying on disguises;
Imagining how other people’s skins
Might look on me;
Invisible woman,
Trying to find myself.
Burying myself underneath
A heap of other people’s pelts.
What if I were to call off the search?
I wonder if I could allow myself to remain awhile,
Stripped bare in the moonlight.
Would my skin find me?
Claim me for herself?
Maybe she has been there all along
But, through familiarity, had become invisible.
Soul skin, I call to you now.
With eyes closed, expectations cast aside
And arms and heart open.
May we be reunited,
And grow together, at last.
~ Stella Tomlinson, from my forthcoming book Her Soul Is Ablaze: A companion for your midlife awakening
An invitation
May these words land within your heart.
May you hear your heart and soul whispering to you about your truest self.
Place a hand on your heart and take a moment … And answer these questions:
Who was I before life’s demands stole my soul skin away from me?
What makes me feel truly myself?
What brings me joy and helps me feel fully alive?
And what small simple things can I bring into my life to begin to reclaim my soul skin?
Perhaps there’s an image, a word, a feeling, a longing …
Breathe and receive this whisper … and trust yourself.
*
Until next time, I wish you the blessings of fierce + tender self-compassion through your midlife journey,
Stella 🔥💞✨🦭
P.S. The word potion above is from my book, Her Soul Is Ablaze.
Get my latest book…
Her Soul Is Ablaze:
A companion for your midlife awakening
Her Soul Is Ablaze is a poetic sanctuary for those navigating the transformative terrain of midlife and menopause.
“A tender, earthy guide to
the deep transformation of menopause.”
— Kate Codrington, author of Second Spring and The Perimenopause Journal
