Awakening in Midlife
Perimenopause, transformation, and the beauty of unravelling.
Me at one of my favourite places - Mottisfont Abbey, Hampshire - earlier this year #thisis50 🔥
I believe that when we share our stories we help ourselves and each other feel less alone.
And, as perimenopause and the menopause transition can feel a bewildering place I am sharing something of my experience, so far.
Now, I don’t share this as an example of how it should look. Or even how it might look. We each walk our own path.
But I believe deeply in the power of sharing our stories. For when we share our truth, we break the silence. We create space for each other. And we realise we’re not alone.
So, that’s the spirit in which I share this with you.
My experience so far
As I write this in the autumn of 2025, I am fifty.
I still have a menstrual cycle (I think! Who knows, this could be the last one, where I’ll stop counting the days after day 366…)
So, let’s get the obvious out of the way: the physical experience of perimenopause has been… unpredictable.
Around five years ago my once-reliable cycle became a confusing mix of the irregular and the strangely regular. Sometimes shorter, sometimes longer, with the occasional return to its familiar 29-day rhythm - before veering off track again.
I experience hot flushes - particularly in summer - though I prefer to call them “hot moments”. I sometimes get night sweats too. I’ve noticed a link between them and alcohol - which I now don’t drink much of. Wine has become a no-go area - particularly white wine - unless I want a hefty hangover the next day (even after one glass!). I sometimes have achier joints than I used to have. My hair is greying and my skin and body are changing.
Soul Shifts
But honestly? I try not to blame everything on perimenopause. Correlation isn’t always causation (and the medicalisation of menopause is an insidious thing designed to disempower us. I digress…)
~ To me, the real story of midlife and menopause lies deeper than physiological impacts. ~
Because, to me, midlife and the menopause transition are a story of soul change.
So I am much more interested to share something of the inner alchemy that’s been working on me for a decade now.
Looking back, I can trace the beginning of this unfolding to my fortieth year.
In 2015, two books found their way into my hands: The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr Elaine Aron, and Code Red by Lisa Lister.
Reading Dr Aron’s work was like meeting myself on the page. Finally, I understood that my intensity, my deep feeling, my need for stillness and quiet, my sensitivity to noise, light, people, pain - none of it was “too much” or “too dramatic.” It was a trait. A truth. A gift. I feel deeply. I process deeply. I empathise. I see. I understand. Deeply…
Then Code Red opened another door: to the wisdom of the menstrual cycle. I was astounded - and furious. Why had I never been taught about the power, the rhythm, the gifts of my own body? Why was this knowledge hidden, dismissed, forgotten?
So I began charting my cycle. And I’ve done so ever since.
In 2017, aged 42, I noticed the changes begin. My cycle started syncing with the Moon - first bleeding at the New Moon, then the Full. Though eventually, that pattern dissolved.
And around the same time, something else was stirring. I left paid employment in 2016 to focus on my yoga and meditation teaching. And then… Brigid came calling.
The Goddess whispered to me. Called me into Her service. I began writing poetry, seemingly out of nowhere. I entered a two-year Priestess of Brigid training at Imbolc 2018, my 43rd birthday.
It was a soul initiation. The beginning of an ever-deepening path of earth-based spirituality. And a full-bodied Yes to the sacred, cyclic wisdom that has shaped my life.
That same year, I also decided to face the health issue that had dominated the last ten years of my life: Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I worked with a functional medicine doctor to heal my gut.
But what surprised me most was what came next: she gently nudged me to consider trauma therapy. Not because I had clear memories of trauma - but because my body was clearly holding it.
That was the descent. The real one. The one where the Death-Rebirth Goddess took my hand and led me into the underworld of my own psyche.
Through therapy, I came face-to-face with long-buried wounds. I saw how hyper-vigilance and nervous system dysregulation had ruled my life. And I began to choose myself, over and over again - even when it meant walking away from old roles and relationships.
Then in 2019, I felt the unmistakable “burn it all down” feeling. I stopped teaching yoga after eight years of hard work building up my classes and courses. I let go because it no longer felt right.
In 2020 I wrote my third book Cycles of Belonging, which was published by Womancraft Publishing in 2022.
My first book came at 43. My second at 45. And now, as I stand here aged fifty, Her Soul Is Ablaze is on the way - a true companion for this very path I’ve been walking.
Embracing not knowing
In recent years, something curious - and strangely comforting - has emerged.
On one hand, I’ve felt a deep unknowing rise in me. A real sense of no longer recognising myself. Like I’d taken off a costume I didn’t know I was wearing and was standing there, wondering what clothes - what self - might come next.
And at the very same time, I’ve never felt more sure of who I am. Of what I stand for. Of the values that anchor me. The paradox is real - and strangely perfect for this liminal chapter of life.
I’ve also found myself circling the age-old questions:
What am I here to do?
How can I use my gifts wisely, fully, joyfully?
That questioning has drawn me inward again and again - into deeper soul-searching, into gentler truth-telling, into the profound healing work of reclaiming the parts of me I left behind.
I’ve been doing deep inner child healing. Parts work.
Listening to the younger versions of myself who were silenced or banished.
Re-parenting myself with softness and fierce love.
Learning to make space for all parts of me - yes, the shadowy parts too.
And while I don’t have a neat conclusion to offer - no perfect "five steps to midlife clarity" - I know this:
I am no longer trying to become someone else.
I am remembering who I’ve been all along.
And I am committed - with heart, pen, and soulful presence - to walking this path with honesty and devotion.
To create work that reflects the soul’s truth and longings.
And to continue to listen to the quiet voice within that says:
This way, love. Keep going.
May you discover, hear and follow that voice within you too.
***
So this is my experience in the soul forge of midlife and the menopause transition - so far.
It’s been painful. Challenging. Alchemical. Necessary.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still in it. Still becoming.
But I offer my story in case it resonates. In case something in it sparks a remembering in you.
And I write about this because this isn’t just my midlife awakening. It’s ours.
And I’m so grateful to be walking it alongside you.
With all my heart, in fierce and tender solidarity,
Stella x 💞🔥
Get my latest book…
Her Soul Is Ablaze:
A companion for your midlife awakening
Her Soul Is Ablaze is a poetic sanctuary for those navigating the transformative terrain of midlife and menopause.
“A tender, earthy guide to
the deep transformation of menopause.”
— Kate Codrington, author of Second Spring and The Perimenopause Journal
