Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?
~ An overview of the traits, challenges and strengths of being highly sensitive ~
This is me. Perhaps it sounds a bit like you too?
I love peace and quiet. I need my time alone each day – and if I don’t get it, I wind up anxious, drained and exhausted.
I love to sit and think and feel and daydream – I have a vivid imagination. And books are some of my best friends.
I’m easily overwhelmed by noise and bright lights and being around a lot of people I don’t know, so I tend to avoid large gatherings or come across as quiet and reserved when I’m in them.
I don’t like small talk and find it pointless and boring, but I adore deep one-to-one conversations talking about life, the universe and everything!
I notice everything that’s going on around me – my senses are sensitive, and I also pick up on the emotional and mental energy of people and places.
I feel my own inner world of emotions intensely but sometimes it all becomes too much, and I dissociate, I check out from my body and from the energetic bombardment, emotional tangles, and difficult-to-acknowledge feelings of being alive now in these times and the legacy of the wounds, lacks and traumas I’ve experienced through my life so far.
I often feel at odds with the busy, striving, aspirational, aggressive, competitive, judgmental, unjust, unkind, survival-of-the-fittest culture in which we currently find ourselves living in the global west and north.
I value kindness, consideration, social justice, simple pleasures, leisure, rest, joy, spirituality and heart and soul connection. I find injustice, selfishness and unkindness painful to witness.
I love to feel connected to the cycles of nature through the moon and the seasons and I deeply sense the numinous, whether in nature, sacred places, works of art or music.
I want to live an authentic, contented, balanced life of meaning in accordance with my deeply held values. I have no ambition to climb career ladders.
Does this feel familiar? Then join the club because you’re not alone.
Like me, you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP).
High sensitivity
About 15-20% of the population are highly sensitive, meaning they have a nervous system which is more sensitive to their surroundings and stimuli. The technical term for this is “sensory processing sensitivity”.
The trait and term were identified by Dr Elaine Aron, a psychologist and author, who identified this innate temperament trait through the research that she carried out in the early ‘90s. (She continues to research and publish on this subject.)
It is NOT a disorder. There’s nothing to fix. You’re wired this way. It’s just how you are.
And, by the way, it’s also important to note that while most highly sensitive people are introverts not all will be. Dr Aron states that about 30% of HSPs are extroverts, that is, they get their energy renewed from spending time with people, unlike introverts who get their energy renewed from time spent alone. If you identify as an extrovert, you still need time alone – time to process and reflect. Your body is exposed to overstimulation like the introvert, and, like the introvert, you too will need to learn to balance much needed alone time with a satisfying social life.
The four key features
Now, there are four key features that define us as sensitive souls (as identified by Dr Elaine Aron) – it’s known as the DOES model:
Depth of processing
A propensity towards Over-stimulation
Emotional responsivity and empathy
Sensory sensitivity as well as a capacity to sense the subtle
DEPTH OF PROCESSING
The sensitive brain processes information it receives more deeply than a non-HSP.
Of course, all humans process the data coming in from the environment through their senses – comparing it to stored memories and information, making connections – but HSPs do it more deeply.
We pick up on more details. We reflect and investigate more deeply. We pick up on energies around us.
And all this extra sensory data our brains are receiving must be processed, and HSPs process it more thoroughly than non-HSPs.
This takes time and energy.
Looking back at my life as an employee in universities, I understand now why I found meetings so excruciating. Often, I just sat there quietly, berating myself for not speaking up. Then later that day (or the next day) I’d think of something useful and relevant I could’ve shared.
But this is a feature of being highly sensitive. It takes us longer to reflect and digest; we pause and check before acting or talking. But when we’re ready, we will come up with a suggestion or solution which is useful, astute and well-considered.
All of this can feel frustrating – and it can be exhausting.
But remember the gift here is that what you have to offer has been well thought-through and will be insightful and relevant.
OVERSTIMULATION
If you’re taking in the energy and the finer details of the environment around you and processing it all deeply, then you’re going to reach saturation point more quickly.
Everyone has a point where they’ve experienced too much stimulation and they need a rest or to take a break.
It’s just that for HSPs that threshold is way lower than for non-HSPs.
This reminds me of a family child’s birthday party quite a few years ago, full of rampaging toddlers and people I didn’t know very well, all in a relatively small space. I ended up having to go upstairs to have a nap after a couple of hours, I was so exhausted. At the time I thought it was a bit weird – now it makes total sense to me. I’d tipped over into sensory overwhelm and needed a complete break to reset my nervous system.
Wherever there’s more to notice (e.g. in a loud, crowded open space) or the situation is complicated (e.g. you’re trying to take in new information with new people and your progress is being monitored) or a situation lasts a long time (e.g. a long train journey or air travel) or is very intense (e.g. a noisy and cluttered environment) you’re going to wear out sooner through having to process so much.
You’re going to feel tired and/or wired. You’re going to need a break.
Non-HSPs won’t notice so much and because they don’t have so much to process, they won’t tire so quickly.
On top of this we’re processing our internal environment more deeply – the sensations in our body; our moods and thoughts. We tend to have a lower pain threshold. All of this adds to the sensory data our nervous system is processing deeply.
Over-stimulation stresses HSPs. It’s our nervous system responding and going into overwhelm.
But we also consider things more deeply; we look at and understand different sides of the issue and can see it from different angles.
Which brings us to…
EMOTIONAL RESPONSIVITY/EMPATHY
HSPs react more strongly to both negative and positive experiences and images.
A series of studies done by Jadzia Jagiellowicz found that HSPs react more than non-HSPs to pictures with a “positive valence” – this is a psychological term which refers to the intrinsic attractiveness or “goodness” of a person, situation, object or event.
This means that HSPs are wired to see the good in people and the world around them.
So high sensitives will tend to respond particularly well to positive experiences, people and environments.
But it does mean we tend to be more strongly affected by so-called negative people, information and events and stressful situations.
E IS ALSO FOR EMPATHY
In this model, empathy is defined as the ability to share and understand the feelings of others.
We HSPs have a natural predisposition to understand people – to really see them and get them. To see beyond the surface and share in the feelings of others.
Sensitives tend to try to avoid conflict. We have a propensity to want to help others, and to help them feel better. And we have an inner felt sense of what would help them feel better or more comfortable in the given situation.
A beautiful trait to have … as long as we don’t get stuck in a pattern of prioritising others’ needs above our own.
Embrace the gift: we see the best in people and situations, we understand and share the feelings of others – sorely needed in the often-unkind and judgmental culture we inhabit in the West.
SENSORY SENSITIVITY, INCLUDING SENSING THE SUBTLE
The technical term for the trait of high sensitivity is “Sensory Processing Sensitivity”: where the central nervous system has an increased sensitivity to physical, social and emotional stimuli.
An HSP’s nervous system is more sensitive to the data coming in via our senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, hearing.
An HSP might notice:
There are ten people in the room.
Something in this room has been cleaned recently – there’s a strong hint of detergent, which, mixed with the scent of that guy’s cologne is really overwhelming!
The fluorescent lights feel really uncomfortable to my eyes.
Gosh, those two are giving off a funny vibe, they’ve had a disagreement over something today.
That person isn’t feeling comfortable standing, I think they’re wanting to sit down – they seem quite tired.
Oh, I think I’ll go and stand in the vicinity of that person over there who seems quite friendly but not too loud!
A non-HSP might notice … there are ten people in the room … and then they’ll stride over and interject themselves into a conversation.
See what I mean?
High sensitives will tend to notice the little things other people miss.
We sense the subtle.
It can be in how we’re feeling, how others are feeling, the details in our environment and the simple beauties and pleasures in everyday life.
We notice and we feel. Deeply.
We are energy sponges. We pick up on vibes.
We see deeply into the life of things and sense the interconnection between all living beings.
We absorb.
We are easily moved by art and music and the natural world.
We’re often drawn to healing, counselling, creativity and working in the natural world.
The spiritual aspect to life is a felt reality for us.
This, for me, along with empathy, are where the true gifts of high sensitivity reside.
My sensitivity may sometimes lead me to feeling overwhelmed, but it also brings me the gifts of being moved profoundly by the way sunlight filters through leaves on a late-summer afternoon; of noticing the sheen on a bird’s wing and feeling my heart sing as the birds sing; I see cherry blossom and its frothy pink exuberance makes me tingle all over with the joy of being alive…
The challenges
But let’s be honest.
Life can feel challenging for us sensitive souls.
We live in a world of near-constant sensory stimulation, particularly with the presence of the ubiquitous smartphone and social media. There’s much harsh energy to contend with – from daily experiences of unkindness, judgments and aggression to the bigger issues of social injustice, corruption of power and environmental destruction.
Being so sensitive can feel like a curse. As sensitives, we feel everything intensely, and it can be overwhelming. We can feel like we are a square peg in the round hole of our culture.
Being “too sensitive” is used as an insult.
We often feel misunderstood and overlooked.
As a sensitive person, you can feel different from everyone else. Anxious reactions. Being on edge. Noticing subtleties to which other people seem oblivious. Feeling overwhelmed by emotion. You might feel there’s something wrong with you. You may wish you could just toughen up and cope with life better. You may even believe that you’re broken.
Western societies value attributes and behaviours that don’t come naturally to us highly sensitive people. Things like being a team player, thinking on your feet, quick responses, the expectation that you’ll thrive in noisy workplaces. Things like competition and them-and-us thinking. The harshness and judgement and unkindness and shaming that seem to have become the norm in public life.
As Aron describes it, we’re naturally born to be the “Priestly Advisors” to the “Warriors” in our communities and culture. Our natural affinity for reflection, predicting dangers and seeing potential flaws can act as a counterbalance to the Warriors’ tendency to leap into action without thinking through the consequences.
Now, while the trait of high sensitivity may be an inherent trait (i.e. you’re born with it), your experience in childhood and how secure you felt emotionally contributes to how well you function in the world – whether you thrive as a sensitive person or get stuck in overwhelm, self-doubt and procrastination.
Where we didn’t receive enough emotional support to feel seen, supported and safe as children (and this is more common than you might realize), we can get stuck in hypervigilance through a lifetime of being hypersensitive to criticism, rejection and abandonment.
We wind up with porous self-boundaries which absorb other people’s emotions and energies as if they were our own and our high sensitivity and empathic nature gets amped up to an extent which may become overwhelming.
An unspoken truth about high sensitivity
While the trait of high sensitivity may be an inherent trait (i.e. you’re born with it), your experience in childhood and how secure you felt emotionally contributes to how well you function in the world – whether you thrive as a sensitive person or get stuck in overwhelm, self-doubt and procrastination.
Where we didn’t receive enough emotional support in order to feel seen, supported and safe as children (and this is more common than you might realize), we can get stuck in hyper-vigilance through a life-time of being hypersensitive to criticism, rejection and abandonment.
We wind up with with porous self-boundaries which absorb other people’s emotions and energies as if they were our own. I.e. our high sensitivity and empathic nature gets amped up to an extent which becomes overwhelming.
The gifts and strengths
With knowledge comes the ability to embrace the gifts and strengths of your sensitivities — and there are many.
Highly sensitive people tend to understand things deeply; we’re conscientious; we’re creative and have a rich, complex inner life; we’re compassionate; we’re finely tuned into life around us and delicately appreciate the subtleties of nature and music and art.
We’re naturally attuned to the non-material aspects of life and that wonderful sense of how all of life is connected. We love connecting to the unseen world of soul and spirit, and the longings and wisdom of the heart.
Because we have the ability to experience heightened emotional and mental states, we can feel wonderfully enthusiastic when we’re engaged in a conversation or an activity that lights us up.
When we’re moved by a film or piece of music, we really feel it in our hearts and in our bones.
We can sense the sacred truth and beauty of the interconnected web of life when we meditate or when we’re walking in nature.
We’ll feel the presence of centuries of worship in a sacred building and we may sense the presence of the ancestors in an ancient place.
All of this we experience at a greater intensity than non-sensitives.
So, as a sensitive you have gifts of insight, intuition, reflection, measured responses, and appreciation of the inter-connectedness of life – all gifts that this world sorely needs.
You are one of the wise counsellors, creatives and peace-bringers that this world sorely needs.
And the sooner we sensitives realize and embody this, the sooner we can bring our unique healing gifts to a world in pain.
Embrace your sensitivity beloved fellow sensitive. Find your inner peace.
And shine.
Because the world needs your light.
